Vida ...

I wish there's lots more to life than just this.

Sometimes, looking back where my friends are I realise how much time I have lost by not being there.

So much of things I have missed out.

Changes in them, achievements that they are proud of.

Laughters that I missed out.

Movements in their life.

Plans that they've achieved and achieving much more.

Being in this part of the world has its perks but not more to life that I expect that I could benefit from and store them in the chambers of my heart.

To laugh than to grief.

I wish I could leave my responsibilities behind and have a laughter that I've missed.

To smile and to tease.... to be playful again. Feeling the breeze on my face, feeling light from the grace.

I am so tired being strong for my friends, that I left no strength to even lift my face.

Why am I allowing myself to hurt this way, why am I even believing that there's hope someday.

I am so tired.. so tired with the routine of my life.

Living seems purposeless.

I am so sick, looking forward for tomorrow and what more for the future.

And I beginning to hate everything and everyone that's around me.......

Why are people so blessed with good things

Why is it that they can have most of what they want

Why is it that they are allowed to be happy.... why?

And why did I even allow myself to be here...

Please, don't let this anger and hatred grow within me, breathe and release.

Accept and change ..... for life is what I make out if it.

It's a choice and not by force.

I want to listen to my heart.

But it is this heart that dampen the spirit and my hope.

What have I left ... *sigh*