POSITIVE

Heart thumping, I waited for her outside the toilet. After what felt like an eternity, she emerged. She looked at me and said only one word. "Positive". Though this was a possibility we considered before she went in, the confirmation of reality still sucks. The Clear blue test kit had a clear blue positive sign.

She had a talk with him to break the news. After another eternity, she came to me and said,"I am aborting." The floodgates of my tears ducts suddenly burst opened. She just sat there quiet. No tears. Expressionless. Seemingly waiting for me to regain my composure. Tons of Kleenex, lotsa sniffing and a set of puffy eyes later, my rational self kicked in. Where? When? She didn't want her friends or family back home to know. Hence, I gave her a name of my trusted friend in Singapore who could help make arrangements.

2 phone calls and more crying (from me) later, everything is set. I am sorry I cannot be there to hold your hands. I had to delegate this responsibility to my dear friend who will go with you.
She is on the pills. It is almost 100%. Almost. She is the living proof of the word "almost". I cannot imagine what she is going through right now and secretly I hope I will never have to. To make the decision to kill your own child must be the hardest thing for any woman. Can't speak for the man. Coz his first reaction when she told him about it was,"We cannot afford the baby now. It is not the right time." Well at least he didn't say,"It's not mine." As someone told me a few months ago about her friend's plight.

I have a lot of things I want to say about him. I am piss off that she still went to see him after leaving my house. I have a long list of names I want to call him. I have in mind a few things that I want to throw at him to cause irreparable damage. However, I am keeping my mouth shut. For now.

Coz she has not cried. She has not said much though we spent the whole day together. I have never seen her face so void of emotion. She is lost in her own world. I believe that while love is blind, friendship closes its eyes. Now is simply not the time to give her my two cents worth. It is also not the time to analyse his character flaws. The only thing to do now is do what needs to be done and help her recover physically and emotionally before doing any post mortem.

Hence I can only sit here and think. It takes two people to make that baby. One relinquished all responsibilities with words and walk away relatively unscathed. How unfair. Would Eve had eaten the apple if she knew that generations of women have to go through this with heartless man? Another is left to deal with everything. Literally. What is the magnitude of the pain that is the result of the combination of the physical, mental and emotional wounds? Maybe the only way to deal with it is to shut down coz honestly no one should need to deal with this. Especially since it is in a way betrayal. A mockery of love and time shared. Guess that's why she was so quiet.
This irresponsible attitude is "understandable" if it was a one night stand. However it was a relationship and relationship comes with responsibilities. Will one ever be truly be prepared to have a child? Or would the strength of the love between two people be enough for them to hold hands and say to each other "we can do it"? Coz he would not want to put her through the trauma? Coz he loves her enough to face a living proof of their love and passion?

I have many opinions and many questions that I want her to think about. It is time for me to be a less accepting friend and be harsh. "Ignorance is the night of the mind, a night without moon or star." (Confucius). I cannot allow her to ignore the many glaring facts anymore and live in oblivion. Things already happened. One just has to carry on with life and learn from the mistakes. The nonchalant attitude he has towards another helpless life should be noted and his character put under the magnifying glass and examined. What kind of future do you expect with a man like this? Seriously.

I am really bad at my choices at man. My only saving grace in life is that I am always true to myself and often very harsh and accepts the reality of things. It helps that I have 3 friends who I know will spare me nothing to ensure that I hear the truth. The voice that I try to ignore from the bottom of my heart. Perhaps it is time for me to change the way I handle friendship. Maybe one really needs to be cruel to be kind. I hope she sees this when I decide to speak my mind. I can only hope.

Perhaps he might suddenly change his mind and ask her to marry him or be a man about it and have another solution. Perhaps this is all a bad dream and I am gonna wake up and it will all vanish. Perhaps I am just being overly positive. I leave u with a quote to think about from Samuel Johnson...Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise. Perhaps it is time now to take the concept of love out of this whole equation and look at the situation objectively.

Posted by Chris at 1:00 PM